The Questions of Life
Are we free or predetermined?
At the helm of the open seas
or merely indentured servants?
Why the trials, why the burdens
if life is as it’s meant to be,
if the future is certain?
But as for me, I’m determined
to believe that freewill
is your loving flame for us burning.
For without it grace becomes a meaningless word
instead of a powerful, raging current
instead of a powerful, raging current.
-Poem Written by Justin Farley
The Noticer
Let me be a noticer of things in your world
instead of a dweller of my inner thoughts,
worries, and selfish longings
that only keep me distracted from you.
For when I uproot myself out of the present moment
and plant my focus on myself,
I rob myself of the joy
of witnessing your glory and beauty
all around me.
I have always been a highly observant person, picking out minor details that others often miss. On my morning walk in the woods today I noticed an old, wooden beam with rusted barbwire wrapped around the edges that had clearly once been a fence post. The problem was that I’d walked this path dozens of times before. Worse, it only stood a few inches off the trail.
What may seem an unimportant observation worried me. I should have noticed this a long time ago. But then again, maybe I’m not quite as observant as I once was…not since anxiety and worry have become a constant companion.
I sat there looking at that fence post, noticing for the first time the rotting wood and the crumbling decay of age. In my perifocal view I then noticed a bee hovering around a flower and insects crawling along the earth. I was struck with the realization that I have formed a habit of being so stuck inside my head observing my anxieties and worries that I have lost an awareness of the world around me.
I’ve decided I’m still a highly observant person; I’ve just been preoccupied with the wrong details. Anxiety and worry cause us to retreat inward, focusing on only our thoughts and feelings, preparing for the “what ifs” of the future. In the process they rob us of the joy and experience of life in the present moment.
God dwells in the here and now. God speaks in the present. God walks with us in this moment. When we try to place ourselves in the future, we make no room for God. For the future is determined by His will, not ours. And that is what anxiety and fear inspire us to do, don’t they? To just sprint past God and try to prepare, plan, and control what happens next. We lack faith in God’s providence, so we seek out our own providence. We are finite creatures who are not built to withstand that kind of responsibility. When we put ourselves in control of managing our future, we collapse under the weight of worry.
Even more importantly, when we are constantly distracted by our worries and removed from the here and now, we miss out on the wonderful experience of witnessing God’s glory and beauty all around us. The beauty of a sunset, the feeling of the wind against your skin, the magic of the leaves changing colors, the love in another’s eyes, the wisdom God passes on in seemingly unimportant things.
It’s a hard fight to pull yourself out of your own head and leave all the worrying behind. It’s maybe an even harder fight to trust in God. But there are opportunities for redemption all around us, yet we have to be attentive to the present moment to recognize them. If we remain focused on the incessant cycle of self-centered thoughts, we deny ourselves the gift of seeing God’s divine presence right here, right now.
-Post and Poem Written by Justin Farley
Be My Vision
Be the eyes through
which I see –
so that I may not gaze
into the past with regret
or worry about what’s before me.
In past, present, and future
let me only see you and your will.
May I not be obsessed with
the weather in my life –
so that I trust in your love
whether the sun is shinning
or I’m alone in the dark of night.
In joy, pain, and in the plain
you remain utterly in control.
Let it be your will
that I’m planning –
so that I’m not tossed
off-course by human vision
and lean on my own understanding.
I’m powerless to understand your thoughts and ways.
Let me just rest, assured in your love.
-Poem Written by Justin Farley
Deer Child – A Nature and Life Poem
Doe and fawn
drink from the creek at dawn,
filling their bellies
to last out the noonday heat.
Doe protective and cautious;
fawn careless and unconscious –
unaware of the eyes
watching her from the bank.
Age brings wisdom and experience,
for the youthful heart is oblivious
to the dangers disguised as blissful indulgence
lurking in the field of freedom.
.
-Poem Written by Justin Farley
Walking through the Forest – A Poem About Nature
To walk through the forest
and see sunlight shinning through the trees
is like a cool, refreshing breeze
to the spirit sweltering beneath
the heat of worldly troubles.
To walk through the forest
and observe nature’s mysterious order
is like a wall erected in the path of disorder,
calming the chaotic thoughts
in the mind of modern man.
To walk through the forest
and witness untainted beauty
is like relieving the watchman from his duty –
worry retreats into the void to sleep
while I gaze upon the work of divine hands.
-Poem Written by Justin Farley
The Tortured Artist by Justin Farley
Utterly bound by the need for discovery,
yet plagued by the awareness that finding
leaves me no farther along my journey
in the eyes of the world.
The most tortured artist is the realist
who’s aware he’s playing the fool,
but must play his role regardless,
knowing it’s the only powerful card in his hand.
For if alternative aspirations
are not trumped by other’s Bowers,
in the end he’ll be defeated
by the chaos that rises out of self-neglect.
The artist must find pleasure in playing
a game few have the wits to play,
acknowledging he’s likely destined to lose
before he even sits at the table.
The artist must learn to embrace
this necessary madness;
his fulfillment and sanity
depend upon it.
The creative life must never be lived
with the goal of winning.
One must simply find joy and gratitude
in the ability to bring order out of chaos.
-Poem and post written by Justin Farley
Mistakes and Promises by Justin Farley
My mistakes are unlimited,
my promises are sometimes half-hearted and indifferent,
and my character can get thrown wherever desire moves me,
swayed like willow branches in the wind.
But when the waves of my sin pass,
guilt juts through my soul like shards of glass,
and I’m left to brood over these deep moral wounds
that I continually pick the scabs off of,
yet all the while praying they will heal.
The paradox of the heart is puzzling,
for the evidence is compelling
that man can’t even trust himself
and is a slave to his savage instincts –
often powerless to persuade the heart to righteous action.
So the ladder to heaven looms high –
A daunting force towering in the sky –
leaving these fractured bones aching
at the thought of making the climb
and conquering these demons we shamefully
find pleasing in our ears.
The baggage is too heavy to carry;
our errors are too large to bury,
but the good Lord in his omniscience
knew the battle was lost before it had begun.
In his mercy, he offered up his Son –
a cross where all our sins can be hung;
so we can stand victorious now and forevermore.
My mistakes are unlimited.
My promises are sometimes half-hearted and indifferent.
But the only promise I need is found in Christ,
who wipes my slate clean with each acquired debt
and gives me the grace to try again.
Poem Written by Justin Farley
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
When you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”
-Isaiah 43:2-3
God Will Provide
When you feel strangled by your mistakes
and crushed beneath the weight of guilt’s landslide,
trust that your shame will give way to redemption,
for God will provide.
When your crops fail you
and your harvest withers at your side,
believe that your table will soon be filled –
for God will provide.
When you’ve come to the end of the causeway
and trouble surrounds you on all sides,
see the way beyond what the eyes can see –
for God will provide.
When your dark night feels eternal,
and it seems the sun refuses to rise,
know there’s already a dawn waiting for you –
for God will provide.
When hope seems all but lost
and tears feel permanent in your eyes,
wait patiently for your redeemer –
for God will provide
When the wind of the world extinguishes your lantern,
and you feel you’ve lost your only guide,
a fire will be lit within you –
for God will provide.
God will provide when it’s hopeless,
when failures engulf your successes,
and when all other paths lead you astray.
God will provide strength to the weary,
a lending hand to the burdened,
and a way where there is no way.
God will provide a key to unlock addictions,
he’s the hero that rises up to slays your dragons,
and he’s the breaker of destructive pride.
God will provide food for your soul,
he gives the restless heart a home,
and is a friend to those the world casts aside.
Yes, in all trials that greet you,
when no road rises up to meet you,
God will provide.
-Poem Written by Justin Farley
You can find some of my other Christian poems by clicking here
A
A Haunting Fate
What is this voice that comes
howling in my heart…
this restless ghost that suddenly
comes flooding out of the fog of night…
this ghoul that haunts despite my pleas,
desperately pulling me towards a distant light?
I consistently pull away from its advances,
swatting away its hands like pesky gnats
swarming in the summer sun.
But its fingers remain pointed to a path beside me,
seemingly unable to be free
until my journey has begun.
This phantom follows me despite my begging,
gone one day and back the next.
Mad as a hatter, without reason no matter my argument;
I’m convinced that my speech is wasted breath.
For surely unless its desire is fulfilled,
it will plague me until my death.
Try as I might to silence it,
this whispering voice makes contentment impossible
on this easy path I’ve chosen for me.
Finally, I wail into the wind,
“WHEN DOES THIS MADNESS END?”
And it replies, “when you reach your destiny”.
-Poem Written by Justin Farley
The Cost of Freedom
Confining walls, prison cell;
there’s no shame in wearing a straight jacket
if it makes you well.
Dirty dishes, soiled clothes;
it’s a heavy burden to keep
your house clean on your own.
Hidden secrets, concealed lies;
they are the extent of your sickness –
the enemy of recovery is pride.
Foolish illusions, blind in the dark;
the most harmful delusion is believing
you can trust your heart.
Death’s agent, the loser’s bane;
sometimes winning means folding now
to remain in the game.
The humble lives, the prideful dies;
better to trust in another’s truths
than to keep living by your lies.
Safety in numbers, self-reliance self-destructs;
an unchecked mind quickly becomes
unreliable and corrupt.
Freedom is sometimes choosing not to be free;
better to serve a great master,
than sit on the throne of insanity.
-Poem and Content Written by Justin Farley
As a recovering alcoholic who’s been sober for almost 11 years and someone who can become addicted to about anything that makes you feel good, one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in my recovery is the need to let go of my freedom sometimes. The hardest times in recovery are often the ones where we’ve still got one foot in and one foot out, believing that we can be both fully free and fully accountable living by our will power.
For me, I’ve learned that when I’m free I’m a slave, and when I’m a slave I’m free. Quite paradoxical, but I’ve learned that I can’t trust myself to do what I want myself to do. If I sit with temptation long enough, it will eventually over power me no matter how much will power I have.
We don’t want to accept defeat. We don’t want to admit that we’re weak. We want to continue to live by the lie that we’re able to conquer our demons on our own, despite file cabinets full of evidence to the contrary. Sometimes giving up some of your freedom is the only way to protect yourself from yourself. For addicts, I believe the cost of freedom is often freedom itself.
You want to be sober? Well, you’re going to have to give up the freedom of being able to go to bars. You want to be free from addiction? You’re going to have to give up the freedom of hanging out with people that are still using. You want to be free from your shopping addiction? You’ve got to give up the freedom of carrying cash and credit cards.
Is it possible to keep all your freedoms and remain free from your addictions? Maybe. At least for a period of time, but it’s like playing Russian roulette, never knowing when your addiction is loaded in the chamber. Play long enough, and I believe you’ll eventually self-destruct.
For me, I’ve realized the cost of unchecked freedom is misery and death. And today, I choose to live.
