Is It Bad To Be Codependent?

Have you ever wondered whether you are too dependent on your partner? Merriam-Webster dictionary defines codependency as “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (such as an addiction to alcohol or heroin)” or “broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another”. Of course it is bad to be codependent based upon the first definition; the broad definition is where I believe many people run into trouble.

Codependent is a misleading and often misinterpreted word. I have seen numerous posts on social media basically referring to any relationship where you’re “co-depend” on one another as toxic…that we should have everything in our life together and figured out before we even try looking for someone to date. This thinking is not only a misinterpretation of the word, it is toxic itself.

If you’re waiting until you have everything together and not going to bring any baggage or negative energy into a relationship before you look for one, you’re either going to die single or you’re a liar. No one is perfect. Everyone brings negativity into relationships. Of course if that’s all you’re bringing, that’s a problem. But my fear is that many people buy this lie that we should have everything figured out before we jump or that our partner shouldn’t have any issues.

This attitude breeds a toxic idea that will consume any relationship. If your expectation is that you or your partner should have all their shit together, shame and judgement are going to run rampant in your relationship. Worse, it eliminates the possibility of real love and turns marriage into a conditional contract, ripped up anytime either person makes any major mistakes (which is undoubtedly going to happen because both people are flawed humans).

If you don’t depend on anyone for anything, you are the one with the problem. Humans are built to rely on one another in community. We do need each other. Any healthy relationship is co-dependent in terms of each person relying on the other for some of their needs. A healthy marriage is one of give and take, sharing responsibilities, sacrificing, and putting their needs in front of your own (as long as these are healthy needs).

Being codependent in this way is not weak…it is love. This toxic view that you’re weak or broken or disqualified from a relationship because you are going to “need” or rely on something from that other person is prideful, arrogant, and selfish to its core. Unfortunately, this self-reliance on steroids is killing people’s chance for happiness and love.

Poem About Life Journey and Inner Peace – Adventure

Adventure
Poem About Life Journey and Inner Peace

 Adventures never have destinations.
It's experience that gives us what we need to find.
Leave the need for answers and your expectations
behind you, unpacked from your mind.

Modern life has lost its sense of mystery.
The need to know shatters our sense of awe.
To live out your true purpose and destiny
recognize that, at times, reason can be a flaw.

Don't ask me to explain love.
Or the chemicals released when I look in her eyes.
It's beyond what the human mind can conceive of,
lifeless facts that'll never explain what the heart testifies.

We must stop seeking adventure "out there";
true adventure is a journey of the heart.
The calling to discover, to dare
is where inner freedom starts.

Justin Farley

Seasons of Winter Poem About Spring

Seasons of Winter
Poem About Spring

The ice is melting,
thawing away from the land,
flowing back into the hands
of its maker.
Nature's enchantment shatters
with a single kiss from spring
clinging to the warmth
of renewal, rebirth, reawakening.

And in each pile of snow
that dissolves my heart beats
with a disposition towards hope
sledding down slopes of solace
taking comfort in the possibility to cope
with my own seasons of winter. 

Justin Farley

Running Poem About Changing and Working on Yourself

Running

Can I get a cup of wine
to drown the time,
to float away from
this heavy heavy of mine?

Or perhaps a speedy car
that'll take me fast so far
away from these expired dreams
now void of stars?

Maybe a boat to sail these seas
that swallow me with ease
each time the tide of my moods
helplessly carries me out with no reprieve?

But no. I suppose that won't do
for there's no way to bid adieu
to my mind who follows me
no matter the destination I run to.

I can't conspire to flee
when the jailer with the keys is me.
I only get to taste freedom
by working on myself daily.

Justin Farley

Hello, everyone! I have recently published my first chapbook of Christian poems titled “A Voice in the Wilderness – A Chapbook of Poems about God”. This has been developed and polished over the past six months or so. I am happy with the final product and hope you find encouragement in the poems but also a validation that the spiritual life is not all sunshine and rainbows. We all struggle. We all have periods of questions and/or doubt. But it is the yearning that keeps us coming back for more and allows us to experience joy.
You can purchase either on Amazon or on my own bookstore (it is cheaper and has free shipping on my store) and is available on the Kindle and in paperback.
Amazon: Kindle Paperback
Inkspiration Books (my bookstore): Paperback

Thank you for your support!

Poem About Being Content, Humble, and Joyful

Great Expectations

Joy can seize us
in the lowliest of places,
perhaps even easier
than in the loftiest ones.
Humble eyes are open wider
than those of great expectation, 
those muted of exultation
and closed to the blessings
that abound in the ordinary - 
it's commonness makes it no less miraculous.
It's easy to see the glory
of God stepping out
of the darkness of a cave. 
Far harder blind, perched upon 
an idolatrous mountaintop of our own making.
Great expectations cannot bring joy
for they are contingent on the false hope
that joy can be gained
from obtaining anything
of worldly worth.
Happiness is fleeting;
joy remains 
though the seasons change - 
in both the harsh, winter cold
and the warm, summer sun.
A joyful heart shoots for the stars
but is content if the Universe
wills for it to remain on Earth.

Justin Farley


Hello, everyone! I have recently published my first chapbook of Christian poems titled “A Voice in the Wilderness – A Chapbook of Poems about God”. This has been developed and polished over the past six months or so. I am happy with the final product and hope you find encouragement in the poems but also a validation that the spiritual life is not all sunshine and rainbows. We all struggle. We all have periods of questions and/or doubt. But it is the yearning that keeps us coming back for more and allows us to experience joy.
You can purchase either on Amazon or on my own bookstore (it is cheaper and has free shipping on my store) and is available on the Kindle and in paperback.
Amazon: Kindle Paperback
Inkspiration Books (my bookstore): Paperback

Thank you for your support!

What Should I Do With My Life Poem About Life Purpose

A Life's Purpose - A Poem

Busyness is not success. 
Nor is achievement.
Nor accolades
of power, status, or wealth. 
Success is measured
by how closely we live out
our life's purpose -
the king who was called to live
as a pauper is poor.
What good is earning the riches of the world
if they cost the betrayal of our heart
each and every day?

You know the voice.
You've heard it speaking
in the depth of your soul,
trying to point you
back to your blueprint,
trying to realign you to your design.
We don't chose our calling;
it chooses us.
Fail to accept it
and you are thrust,

thrown down a path of emptiness
where the shrieks of the soul
become so loud
you must unceasingly engage in activity 
to distract yourself from the reality
of your failure.
Before do, you must answer who
you are
or all your doing
is nothing but steps
that lead you farther and farther
away from your true self.

Poem by Justin Farley

A Poem About Recovery Hope and Change

No Matter

No matter how hard it is
to keep the fire burning,
no matter how many disappointments
have visited you without warning,
no matter how many different trials
you've sat through today,
though the verdict may be hard to swallow,
tomorrow, tomorrow's another day.
And it may seem impossible in this moment,
but in time you're going to be ok.
For when you wake tomorrow
a new sun will be on the rise,
and you'll find a mustard seed of hope
sprouting upon the ashes of yesterday's demise.

Justin Farley

Hello, everyone! I have recently published my first chapbook of Christian poems titled “A Voice in the Wilderness – A Chapbook of Poems about God”. This has been developed and polished over the past six months or so. I am happy with the final product and hope you find encouragement in the poems but also a validation that the spiritual life is not all sunshine and rainbows. We all struggle. We all have periods of questions and/or doubt. But it is the yearning that keeps us coming back for more and allows us to experience joy.
You can purchase either on Amazon or on my own bookstore (it is cheaper and has free shipping on my store) and is available on the Kindle and in paperback.
Amazon: Kindle Paperback
Inkspiration Books (my bookstore): Paperback

Thank you for your support!

Poem About Gratitude, Having a Positive Attitude and Blessings





No Quarter

If I look, I'll find 1000 complaints,
but I've resolved to give no quarter to protest
when I've been so blessed
with gifts raining down from Heaven like manna.

If I find my vision
dull, dark, and gray
it's because I've chosen to stay
blind to how lucky I truly am.

Of course there's darkness.
But there's also an abundance of light
available when we keep our sight
fixed on our graces and gratitude.

Dark cloud, keep on moving. 
I'll no longer grant you quarter.
My attitude is back in order - 
my storehouse is far too full to harbor complaint. 

Justin Farley

Hello, everyone! I have recently published my first chapbook of Christian poems titled “A Voice in the Wilderness – A Chapbook of Poems about God”. This has been developed and polished over the past six months or so. I am happy with the final product and hope you find encouragement in the poems but also a validation that the spiritual life is not all sunshine and rainbows. We all struggle. We all have periods of questions and/or doubt. But it is the yearning that keeps us coming back for more and allows us to experience joy.
You can purchase either on Amazon or on my own bookstore (it is cheaper and has free shipping on my store) and is available on the Kindle and in paperback.
Amazon: Kindle Paperback
Inkspiration Books (my bookstore): Paperback

Thank you for your support!