How Do You Know If You’re An Alcoholic?

How do you know if drinking has crossed the line from something you do for fun socially to something more serious? This article looks at the real-world signs of alcohol use disorder (AUD) which is the medical term for what we often call alcoholism.

It is written by a recovering alcoholic and is for anyone who has ever wondered what is normal and where dependence begins, whether for themselves or someone they love. The purpose isn’t to diagnose but to present patterns that are cause for alarm—changes in tolerance, secrecy, loss of control, or drinking despite harm— so you have information from reputable sources but also the resource of someone who has been sober for almost 20 years should you have questions.

I’ve drawn on guidance from reputable health sources such as the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), SAMHSA’s National Helpline, and the the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the U.S Department of Agriculture.. Their insights remind us that recovery starts with honest awareness, not shame. If any of these signs sound familiar, consider reaching out for help or sharing this resource with someone who needs it. You’re not alone, and change is possible.

If you or a loved one need help, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for confidential support.

Am I An Alcoholic?

Chances are, if you’re drinking enough to be researching whether you’re an alcoholic or not, you probably are.  The majority of “normal” drinkers don’t sit around analyzing and questioning their behaviors and consumption habits trying to figure out whether their drinking is outside of what’s considered “normal”. But there are some people who fall in the class of “problem drinkers” who may show some of the signs of alcoholism but aren’t actually alcoholics. We’ll discuss the differences later.

I’ve been in recovery and sober for over 15 years and will try to give you not only the traditional signs and symptoms of alcohol addiction from a medical perspective but also experiences in my own journey in coming to terms with my addiction and entering sobriety. It’s important to be as honest as possible with yourself about your drinking use because–in my experience–every alcoholic I’ve known (myself included) initially used denial to defend their addiction once life started spinning out of control to justify their insane behaviors and trick themselves into believing they were still fully in control of their drinking. Here are just some examples of excuses used to explain heavy/binge drinking and risky behaviors.

• Well, yeah, I got pretty drunk Friday night, but wasn’t planning on drinking on Saturday too until I found out about that party that only happens like once a year.  
• Sure, I blacked out last night, but everyone was wanting me to take shots with them. I didn’t mean to overdo it. And come on, we’ve all blacked out before.
• I would never have driven home drunk if my ride wouldn’t have bailed on me.
• I only planned on having a few but then a bunch of people showed up that I haven’t seen in forever. It would have been rude to leave early and not have a few drinks with them.
• I had a really bad week, otherwise, I wouldn’t have done that. It was a one time thing. 
• I should probably stick to beer from now on. I don’t realize how much I’m drinking until it’s too late with hard liquor.
• I should really eat more before drinking because drinking on an empty stomach is why I got so drunk.
• I wouldn’t have gotten so drunk but parties make me so tense and anxious. I needed to loosen up a bit to be social.

The reality is most non-alcoholics don’t even think about these things at all.  The reason we do is because there’s some level of guilt within our being that is trying to let us know that something isn’t right.  It’s the beginning of recovery but far from being the end of it. This guilt and inner turmoil is only important to us when we’re ready to honestly look at our life and stop making excuses for our behaviors.  

Types of Drinking Habits

Normal Drinking Habits

First, let’s look at what normal or healthy drinking looks like. According to the “Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2020-2025,” U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and U.S. Department of Agriculture, men can have 2 drinks or less a day and women can have up to 1 drink a day to fall within the guidelines for drinking in moderation.

That might be quite shocking. But relax. You aren’t suffering from alcoholism just because you don’t fall in line with those limits. It might mean that you should start cutting back on your drinking though.

What Is Considered Binge Drinking

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) “defines binge drinking as a pattern of drinking alcohol that brings blood alcohol concentration (BAC) to 0.08 percent – or 0.08 grams of alcohol per deciliter – or higher. For a typical adult, this pattern corresponds to consuming 5 or more drinks (male), or 4 or more drinks (female), in about 2 hours.”

Just because binge drinking isn’t healthy doesn’t mean it isn’t common, especially on college campuses. Binge drinking is a risk factor for alcoholism, but you’re not an alcoholic just because you’ve done your share of heavy partying. Binge drinking simply means you’re consuming too much alcohol in a given time frame or drinking with the intention of getting drunk.

Keep in mind that when we’re talking about “drinks” we’re not talking about a mixed drink of 2 or more shots. A “drink” is one beer or approximately one shot of 80 proof alcohol.

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What Is Considered Heavy Alcohol Use (or a Problem Drinker)?

According to the NIAAA, heavy drinking is defined by drinking more than 4 drinks at any time or more than 14 drinks a week.

SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) defines it as “binge drinking on 5 or more days in the past month.”

The Problem Drinker vs the Alcoholic

The binge drinker or problem drinker shares many of the same habits as the alcoholic on the surface, but the two are quite different. The problem drinker is your stereotypical college partie–think frat parties and the movie “Animal House”.

They will often have consequences and risky behavior associated with their drinking. They may even drink as much as their alcoholic counterparts. But in the face of legal trouble, risks of being fired from a job, troubles in their relationships, etc. the problem drinker realizes enough is enough. It may still be difficult for them to quit drinking, but they’re still fully in control, even if their mind still thinks about the “good ol’ days” or how it would be nice to party from time to time.

The alcoholic, however, has lost all control over their ability to control their drinking. In the face of legal trouble, trouble at work, relationship problems, etc. they may have every intention to get their act together but will continue to fail time and time again until they enter into recovery, prison, or die due to complications from their addiction. For the alcoholic, drinking is no longer a fun, social activity. It’s a need that consumes both mind and body, no different than food or water. And without it, the mind and body go into survival mode (withdrawals) and will do everything in its power to get you to consume the thing it now needs to survive.

In an effort to get you to control your drinking, you will often hear stories from relatives or friends who were heavy drinkers–or they might even refer to themselves as alcoholics–who one day decided to put the bottle down and get their life together. And by golly they haven’t had a drink or thought of it since and assume you should be able to do the same. Though they have good intentions, with few exceptions, these people were never alcoholics to begin with. They were simply problem drinkers who found a reason to quit.

If you can quit drinking on the fly for long periods of time with little to no repercussions, you’re almost certainly not alcoholic.

Signs and Symptoms of Alcoholism

• Not being able to control how much you drink

• Setting limits for yourself such as “I’m only going to have 3 drinks” and disregarding the limit once you start drinking

• Becoming angry or defensive if loved ones are concerned about your drinking

• Feeling like you need alcohol to function

• Needing to drink more than you once did to feel the same effects (developing a tolerance to alcohol)

• Experiencing withdrawals such as shaking, anxiety, irritability, sweating, etc. when you don’t drink.

• Continuing to drink in the face of significant consequences.

As an alcoholic, I’ve experienced all of these symptoms. I also hung around with / was friends with several “drinking buddies” who would likely fit some of these symptoms but not all. In my experience, the major difference that distinguishes the problem drinker with the true alcoholic is:

• a. feeling the need to drink alcohol in order to function

• b. continuing to drink in the face of significant consequences

• c. the “why” behind the drinking

Even the problem drinker may experience one of the above traits, but alcoholics generally experience all three.

Needing Alcohol to Function

This can be a bit tricky as we have to define what “function” is. Needing to drink alcohol in order to sleep, be social, relax, etc. are warning signs, but they don’t necessarily mean that alcohol is the problem.

Lots of people have trouble sleeping. Introverts have trouble talking or initiating conversation. People who struggle with anxiety or are dealing with stressful life circumstances are going to have trouble relaxing. There’s no doubt that all of these situations are fixed in the short-term by alcohol. “Needing” alcohol to sleep might just mean you’ve got sleep issues. “Needing” alcohol to socialize just might mean you are shy and need to work on your communication skills. “Needing” alcohol to relax might just mean you need to fix the things in your life that are causing you stress.

In most of the above cases “needing” alcohol actually just means it really helps me to function or makes the situation more bearable. But if you had to do without it you could, even if it was difficult. The exception though may be if you’ve always been able to do those things with ease and suddenly it’s becoming a major problem such as a lifelong extrovert who starts needing alcohol to loosen up and interact with people. That is likely a sign that alcohol has begun to be a crutch; it doesn’t mean you’re an alcoholic yet, but you could be on the way to becoming one.

I can only speak for myself but needing alcohol for me meant planning far in advance how I was going to get alcohol, being paranoid and nervous if I was afraid I could run out, and a traumatic physical and emotional response if I couldn’t get drunk. If I was at a party and for some reason couldn’t drink, it wouldn’t just mean me being uncomfortable. I would be in a full blown panic to the point where anyone I interacted with would know something is seriously wrong.

When I say I needed alcohol, I mean I needed it like water. Without it I would be a anxious, puking, shaking, ghost-white mess. I wouldn’t just be unable to interact with people, I wouldn’t be able to leave the house. My daily life revolved around making sure my body never entered into withdrawal mode.

While there are certainly different levels of dependence on alcohol, need relates to a psychological and/or physical addiction to alcohol. A psychological addiction without the physical can be difficult to define. As I previously mentioned, addiction or “need” can easily be confused with a want or desire to make life easier. Physical addiction, however, is pretty clear cut. Once the body begins responding in a negative way when alcohol leaves the bloodstream, it’s a tell-tale sign that you are a alcoholic or well on the way to becoming one.

Continuing to Drink With Major Consequences

This may be the most accurate way to decide if someone is an alcoholic. Almost inevitably, problems with the law, career, health, and/or family are going to arise for the alcoholic. A problem drinker may tolerate one–maybe two–major consequences before they learn their lesson; the alcoholic continues to bury themselves deeper and deeper in a hole despite their best efforts. They destroy everything they care about and love until they have nothing left. Not because they want to but because it is beyond their control.

I won’t go into specific details but for me this happened after an incident that could have sent me to jail but was still being investigated. I was terrified. And yet the only thing I could think about was getting drunk again. It scared me more than the threat of jail because I knew I was in a place where I had to stay sober yet couldn’t stop plotting to get my next fix. At that moment, alcoholism no longer meant just really loving to drink. It was a disease that was going to kill me, put me in jail, or destroy my relationship with my family if I didn’t get help.

The reason this is usually the best way to identify the alcoholic is because it shows what matters most in your life. For an alcoholic that’s alcohol. It doesn’t mean they want it to be the most important thing in their life, but due to their disease, it has become so. Binge drinkers may love alcohol but once they are forced with the choice between family, health, career, etc. or alcohol, they make the right choice.

But what good is a career, your health, even a relationship with your family, if you are dying of thirst in the desert? Any rational person would trade money if they were lost in the desert and met a traveler who could provide them with water at a cost. As hard as it may be for non-alcoholics to understand, this is the predicament alcoholics find themselves in. Their mind and body are telling them they need alcohol just as bad as the person needs water in the desert, so they continue accepting harsher and harsher consequences because it’s not a matter of not caring for those other things, it’s a matter of survival.

The Why Behind the Drinking

The reason why someone is drinking matters because it can tell us a lot about their risk of addiction. Those who are drinking mainly for “fun”, to party, etc. are much less likely to be true alcoholics even if it gets out of hand from time to time. In Alcoholics Anonymous there is a saying: Your drinking is not the problem. It is a symptom of the problem. What that means is you’re using alcohol to deal with a problem you’re unable to solve on your own. Things like mental illness, grief, social anxiety, abuse, a poor childhood, etc.

People who are drinking to have fun may be abusing alcohol, may be problem drinkers, or heavy drinkers but are rarely alcoholics. Of course that can change down the line the more they continue their heavy drinking but because they’re not drinking to solve an internal problem, they’re less likely to become addicted to it. For them, there’s a time for fun and there’s a time for work. And generally, they stick to those boundaries. They may mess up from time to time. Maybe they start showing up for work hungover or get a lecture from a spouse or friend. But once these consequences start popping up they say enough is enough and make the necessary changes to prevent further damage.

Drinking to Forget, Solve Problems, or Cope with life

Of course drinking to relieve tension and stress doesn’t automatically mean you’re an alcoholic, but it is a major risk factor. Why? Because once we start using alcohol to treat or solve the problems in our lives, it becomes a crutch. And the longer we use it as a crutch, the more broken and paralyzed our legs become until we need alcohol as much as food, water, or air if we ever want to “walk”.

The person who needs to be borderline drunk just to initiate conversation with someone of romantic interest due to lack of confidence or social anxiety never really learns how to do those things sober. Because they aren’t overcoming their fear but simply killing it, they delay their ability to deal with life. They never truly grow up. Their ability to handle life conflicts or take risks doesn’t come from an internal skill / learned bravery; it comes from an external source–drugs or alcohol.

Though we may plan on only using alcohol for a short period of time to deal with major pain or a setback in life, it usually becomes permanent because it’s ingrained as a habit e.g. I’m in trouble=drink to get through it. Before we know it, we’re finding every excuse to self-medicate with alcohol. Why? Because, frankly, it works. It solves a large number of problems with little effort. It truly is a panacea in many ways. The problem is that it begins turning on you until your magic elixir is a terrible poison you’re unable to stop drinking.

A Note for Loved Ones of Alcoholics

Are you feeling constantly disappointed in the person you love, wondering why they don’t stick to their plans and promises to quit drinking? Alcoholics are usually genuine in their determination to quit drinking but because they are addicted their body is constantly creating a craving within themselves, yearning, pleading to keep drinking that’s nearly impossible to ignore without outside help.

It may seem to the parent, the spouse, the loved one of the alcoholic that they’ve lied. But that’s not usually the case. The alcoholic is just as determined and honest in their decision to quit drinking or to clean up their act as the problem drinker. The problem is that the longer the alcoholic goes without satisfying their craving, the more intense the desire for booze becomes.

Just as someone who is starving or thirsty will begin to grow more and more desperate the longer they go without food or water so too does the alcoholic. The body is designed to switch into a state of survival when it realizes that you haven’t eaten or drank in a while. This craving is usually good. It’s kept humans alive and puts the body and mind in a state of distress as a reminder to eat or drink before you are literally dying of thirst or hunger. The most devout vegan becomes a blood-thirsty carnivore after only a few days in the woods without food because the mind switches into a state of survival.

For the alcoholic, the body knows no difference between alcohol and air. Alcohol has literally become something that the body thinks it needs to survive. Alcohol is not just a mental addiction but a significant physical addiction. This is why alcoholics often need medical attention when they stop drinking because they can actually die. The same thing that is happening to the vegan in the forest is happening within the alcoholic. We begin devout. We swear off drink and want to remain sober forever. But then starvation comes. The body’s system designed to keep us alive begins working against us. After a short amount of time, our mind has become like the vegan’s who is craving whatever meat they can to stay alive. The sober mind is gone; the drunk mind returns in an effort to save the body.

I realize this is very confusing for the loved ones of alcoholics. Trust me when I say it’s just as confusing for us. We don’t want to mess up, ruin our marriage, lose our jobs, destroy our relationships with our kids, etc. But in the face of starvation, we become blinded by another drink just to stay alive. This doesn’t mean that we’re not responsible for our actions or to quit drinking; it simply means that it’s complicated. Willpower is not enough. Love is not enough. Threats are not enough. We need real help just as desperately as a cancer patient needs treatment. The cancer patient can’t get rid of their cancer, but they can decide to continue seeing the doctor for chemo. The alcoholic can’t get rid of their addiction, but they can decide to enter into treatment or go to AA meetings regularly.

Alcohol Treatment / Rehab

A Name to a Problem

The only thing that happens when you find out whether you are an alcoholic or not is that you get a name to the problem.  That’s it.  So don’t expect some radical change to occur once you find out “what you are”.  In order for there to be a solution, there has to be a problem.  In that respect, you step onto the road of recovery once you find out that you are an addict.  

But if you would have asked me at 17 if I was an alcoholic, I probably would have told you yes and may even have been proud of it.  I would brag about how I could drink you under the table and say everyone else my age is doing it too, so get off my back.  See I may have known what I was, but I wasn’t ready to acknowledge it down to my core. I hadn’t yet looked at myself in the mirror and been disgusted at who I’d become.  It’s in moments like that, that there is no doubt we are what we are.  There is no second guessing when your life is a twisted mess and every piece of it bears the marks of addiction. 

Until we stop blaming our situation, our circumstances, and our past, what we are really doesn’t matter.  I am not trying to say that the blame is totally on our shoulders.  There’s a whole lot to addiction that is beyond our control. But what is under our control is the decision to change. People seem to put a lot of weight into finding out if they have a problem but very little into the solution.  Typically, if they are still not ready to change it doesn’t matter.  We get this notion that by finding out that we’re alcoholics the problem is just going to go away.  I guess it gives us an explanation for our behavior, but that’s about it.  It’s like someone finding out that the big piece of metal sitting in their driveway is called a “car”, but not having the keys or any gas. You may find out you’re an addict, but unless you’re ready to go get the keys and fill up the tank, you’re going to be still sitting around, standing still.

Why Treatment and AA Work

I understand the resistance to treatment and AA. I understand the honest proclamation that this time is different. You’re finally ready to quit. This time you’re really going to try, you won’t give into temptation, and will come up with rigid rules that will protect you from drinking.

This would likely work for the normal mind. But if you are alcoholic, I lovingly tell you that you are not normal. You are ill. Your mind is not rational when it comes to alcohol. If good intention and willpower were enough to keep anyone sober, alcoholics wouldn’t exist.

In the beginning, I struggled with this. I went to rehab partially for myself but mainly to satisfy the requests of my family. And I was resentful. But rehab and AA saved my life. They didn’t cure me, but they provided me a space with like minded people who knew the struggle I was going through and convinced me that I wasn’t alone. It’s very easy to use “they’ll never understand” as an excuse to keep drinking because they won’t. It’s a whole different thing when you feel a part of a group who does understand. When you flirt with going back out, there’s a different feeling knowing you’ll be letting these people who are struggling just like you down.

The main benefit of working within a group recovery setting though is that you learn about yourself. You learn that while we’re all different, most alcoholics struggle with very similar things. You learn how to deal with life in a healthy way and how to manage stress without the use of drugs or alcohol. Most of all, though, you learn who you are. You learn what makes you tick, what triggers you, what you’ve been running away from. It gives you a whole new set of tools to use in your everyday life. These tools are vital because alcoholics generally don’t go back to drinking because it sounds like a good time; they go back to drinking in desperation, in self-defense because they too hurt and too afraid to live life without something to kill the pain and fear.

Recovery has been the best decision of my life. Easy? Of course not but worth it. I still struggle with myself. I still have to work on me, but I can at least look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the person I’m working towards becoming. I could never say that during active addiction. All I knew was fear, pain, and shame.

If you suspect that you are an alcoholic, you owe it to the people who love you-but more importantly to yourself-to seek help. You aren’t a bad person. You’re a sick person who needs help. Please consider reaching out to someone who can give you the help you deserve.

Please visit my links page to find my books and sign up for my monthly newsletter: www.alongthebarrenroad.com/links

You may also enjoy some of my addiction based poetry:

Poem About Recovery From Addiction – The Streets of Delusion

Poem About Addiction to Drugs Alcohol and Recovery

The Cost of Freedom – Recovery Addiction Poem