I’ve struggled with severe anxiety daily since I was a teen. Some days are better than others. Some days I can’t leave my house. It’s hard to explain the struggle of having to bear panic attacks just to get your brain and body to do the things most people do without a second thought. But despite it all, my goal is to make the best of my situation.
When Lightning Strikes —
A Poem About Having Panic Attacks and Agoraphobia
Electricity races beneath the skin. periodically providing a quick shock to keep my attention fixated on its presence. But each zap that bites the mind is a reminder that a full blown electrocution could seize my heart any second like countless horrifying experiences in the past. I can't decide which is worse: the amp surge tripping the breaker of my brain or hearing thunder all day, every day, anxiously waiting for lightning to strike.Justin Farley
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My latest collection of poetry, Frozen Rivers is available on Amazon. Half of it focuses on the dark times of living with mental illness and half contains poems about winter.
Along the Barren Road 
I have panic attacks as well. How you describe it as listening all day to the thunder knowing the lightening will strike at some point is exactly what I feel. This is a recent thing for me, and I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with that a since being a teen. Hugs to you.
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I’m very sorry that you’re dealing with it. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Let me know if you have any questions. I’m not an expect on recovering from it but by now I think I’d consider myself an expert on dealing with / experiencing it 😂 My best advice is to try and get on top of facing the fears / treatment ASAP as terrifying as they are and as normal as it is to want to avoid the things that cause you anxiety because in my experience, it only continues to get worse and limits your life more and more the more power you give it. Wishing you healing 🙏❤️❤️❤️
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Thank you Justin for the kind words. My anxiety has been on a steady climb since my teenage son had two very serious accidents and my teen daughter’s mental health decline which required her to now be homeschooled and watched at all times. I’m under a lot of stress caring for both my teens (and mourning the loss of the life I wanted for them both). My panic is almost entirely about them. It feels like I’m at war against my daughter’s mental illness and it’s beyond stressful trying to keep her alive. I’ve been facing it and saying the hard things I avoided to say in the beginning of all this, but I think it’s time for some meds to get me through this. It’s effecting my health.
I can only imagine how hard it’s been for you to live with these feelings for so long. Sending you a big momma bear hug.
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Wow, that’s a lot on your plate! I’m sorry you’re going through all of it. I’m a parent too and have a very challenging 12 year old step-son who has some mental health issues too. It’s very overwhelming and hard to do it all–care for others while also trying to care for yourself. Meds might help, I don’t know. I take them and have gone back and forth on whether or not they help, but my issues are severe enough that I can’t really afford to go through the trial of not taking them. For me, the thing that has helped the most is acceptance. That feeling of needing to fix everything, make everything the way you think it should be, gets exhausting and adds more stress to your plate. Not saying it’s easy by any means, but when I feel like it’s my job to fix everything, I’m going to fail because that’s a job I’m not qualified for. I fight against wanting to go back to the way things once were. But the past is gone. The only thing I can do is try to make the best of my current circumstances. Sending you love!
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Thank you, Justin. I appreciate the love and seeing me.
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A powerful poem, Justin. I think that’s the perfect metaphor to describe what happens with a panic attack, and the contrast in the last stanza is gripping. Beautifully written.
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Thanks so much! Really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment 🙏
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