My feelings for you swing like a pendulum,
driven by the forces of gravity;
pulled back down by life’s realities
and the weather during these ever-changing seasons of my life.
I have hated you.
I have loved you.
I have sought you and found nothing but empty space.
I have sought you and found the beauty of your face.
I’ve lacked even the desire to seek, scared at what I’d find.
I’ve hoped you never existed,
so I was free to play with the pleasures of my mind.
But now, oh Lord, I have you, and you are mine.
Though between us still sits a boulder
on this road that you lead me down
that blocks my vision of you and drives me off-course of your level ground.
It is a heart surging, bleeding
with self-righteousness, selfishness, and self-seeking.
Dismiss it to the gallows!
String it up by a noose, and may your grip
let the iniquity drip away.
For though I love you, my deepest desire is still not your heart
but my own.
Do not drive me mad by Echo’s song,
singing of my guilt and my wrongs;
mute my ears and turn my eyes to you.
I desire you, but am unsure of how to still these narcissistic tendencies –
they’re all I’ve ever know since birth.
I’ll never be able to kill
this desire to lie down beside the pool of pride
and bask in the beauty of my own reflection.
But surely you have the power to make the waters change their shape.
May the ripples subside, divide, and instead of mine,
may I see your face.
Poem Written by Justin Farley
Image a painting by Italian painter Caravaggio 1597-1599